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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Knock It Off, Amy Winehouse Fans

This is what happens when you don't go to rehab. I don't mean that as a lame joke. I'm serious. When Winehouse died a few days ago, I asked a serious question on Facebook. Does anyone give a shit? You all went crazy on me. I wasn't being callous. I meant it. Even though people seemed to think her death was sad, they seemed to enjoy her train wreck of a life. Why, then, did everyone suddenly feel bad for her?

We've been through this before. I don't just mean the stupid 27 club. I was only a fan of one of them in my lifetime, and I don't know that any Nirvana fan could predict that Kurt Cobain would put a gun in his mouth. It's not like any of his lyrics could have tipped us off. I remember being in high school. I think it was 1994, because I was in my car, which I only had senior year. If you think I'm old, fuck you. Anyway, all I remember thinking was, "Huh, no more Nirvana." It wasn't that I didn't care. I just didn't understand what would take a guy like that in that direction. Again, we as fans had no real sign of an imminent demise. With Winehouse and many others, we most definitely did.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Knock It Off, Casey Anthony Jury Defenders

Today, a murderer walks free. Worse, she's a child killer. Why is that worse? Killing an adult can sometimes be understandable. It can happen in self defense or in a situation where two bad people get in a bad place. Crack deal gone wrong, whatever. There is never a justifiable reason for killing a child. I know we can get into the Rush Limbaugh argument about how it's okay to kill a child inside the womb but not outside, but I won't do that here. That's another situation altogether. Actually, was Rush arguing that killing kids is okay? Probably only if you plan to use the meat. I'm sure Ted Nugent could get behind that. What I'm saying is that you could never come up with a scenario outside of a crazy mercy killing that would ever be logical to me.

I'm really tired of you defending the jury in their poor decision. They fucked up. They let a killer loose. Don't give me shit about the facts or the prosecution not being able to prove her guilt. I also don't want to hear the bullshit excuse about the jury finding her not guilty, but not finding her innocent. It's the same thing. If they didn't think she was innocent, then they should have found her guilty. That's common sense.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Knock It Off, Gender Neutral Parents

I am a man. I was born a boy. Do you know how I know? I sat on my balls a few times. Girls don't have that problem. I know you so-called progressive parents think it's a good idea to hide your baby's gender from him or her, but that's a problem once they look down. To quote that annoying kid from Kindergarten Cop, boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to accomplish. Do you want your kids to be confused? The only thing I seem to hear is that you don't want gender roles to be forced upon your children. I'm not sure if you realize this, but nature dictates a person's gender. We don't just say, "Well, we need more boys, so you'll just be one of those." That doesn't work when you have a cooter. You can't just whip out your clit at the urinal and drain the liza... uh, worm? No. Maggot? Yeah, it just doesn't work, unless you're Chyna, I guess. Ah, memories. Horrible horrible memories. Where was I?