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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Knock It Off, Death

Sometimes I just don't get you. Believe me, I understand that we all face you some time, but sometimes it's way too soon. Some people like to blame one god or another, claiming that death is part of some sort of plan. Tell that to someone who lost a child. What's God's plan then?

"Well, we have a lot of Catholic priests up here, and they were running low."

Not going to cut it. I just wish you were better at choosing your targets. Seeing young people die is horrible, and somehow you don't seem to get that you hurt more than just your victims. Sometimes you hurt their family and friends, and sometimes you hurt the world. You definitely made the world a gloomier place this week.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Knock It Off, Paleontologists

I was watching a show about what Chicago was like in prehistoric times. As I watched, I realized something. You guys are fairly full of shit. I know that sounds crazy to some, but that fact is that most of what you do is guesswork. I understand that you have fossils and rocks to back up much of what you say, but the rest is hypothesis, and it's time that you admit that.

When I was a kid, I had a big interest in dinosaurs. Tyrannosaurus rex, triceratops and brontosaurus were popular with kids then. That's funny, because it turns out that one of those, according to recent discoveries, didn't actually exist. It seems that Fred Flintstone never had a brontosaurus burger. The big guy was actually just a screw up. Or was he?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Knock It Off, Joe Paterno Supporters

I'll start by asking a simple question. What if it was you? What if you were that ten-year-old boy in the shower? What if you went to a charity organization looking for guidance? What would you want to happen? What if it was your son or grandson? Would you feel differently about the way Mike McQueary and Joe Paterno handled things? I would hope so.

These two assholes seem to think they did all that was required of them, and they act like they have a clear conscience about it. McQueary told Paterno, and Paterno told the school. I guess they did all they could, right? In spite of McQueary's recent claims, which have been proven to be false, neither of these negligent pieces of shit went to the police. Instead, they continued to work with a child rapist for years, and they did nothing about it.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Knock It Off, Republican Presidential Candidates

I'm not going to get into your policies or political careers with this one. That's already all over the web. I'm not trying to be CNN or TMZ. I just want to address you on a human level, if you can even achieve that. I understand the process of campaigning and lying to people to get a job. Everybody lies at some point, and many of us have jobs that require us to sell something. You're just slinging your bullshit like any other salesmen.

What I need to know is how you all became such pandering assholes. I'm not shitting on you as a party, because your dysfunctional Democrat brethren are just as stupid and conniving, and I'm not going to exclude anyone from any other adorable little party that thinks it has a chance. You Libertarians can keep yelling, but nobody really gives a shit. Hey, at least you're not the Independence Party. I might be the only person aware of their existence.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Knock It Off, Megan Velez

I'm fine with criticism. I really do enjoy it. The one thing I ask is that it makes sense. I wrote a post about Kris Humphries awhile back, and it has been very popular. Apparently, you also read it, and you had to make a comment. I'm fine with that. If I wasn't, I'd disable comments. What made me laugh is that you just didn't get what I do here. My purpose is comedy, and if I call a celebrity a douchebag, that's part of the fun for me.

Here's what you wrote: "The real question is What is wrong with you? No one spends 20+ minutes bashing a celebrity they don't even know unless they're jealous, psycho,or suffering from low self-esteem, and you my friend, fall under each of these. I seriously thought a girl wrote this till you explained your dick/ball situation. Please feel free to msg me. http://www.facebook.com/megankvele" There are many flaws in your post, and I will be happy to explain these to you, and just so you know, this doesn't make me jealous of you, psycho or low on self-esteem. I just think it's funny to point out what a hypocritical cuntbag you are.